Wow!! Thank you all for your comments! As always, I really appreciate any suggestions
. I appreciate any and all constructive criticism.
Hope you don't mind my suggestions, but you did ask!
Oh of course I don't mind!!! I love any suggestions
. In fact, Pam, I took all of your suggestions and edited the story. I didn't have the fact that Clark was sitting clear enough. And I had them both stand up to kiss. I even added another smoochie.
The intersting thing is that none of you pointed out the part that my BR pointed out. She felt like I was building up to *something* but she didn't know what she was expecting. But since no one else has the same concern, I am not going to change it <g>. However, I did incorporate all of the suggestions that were presented here. The edited story is posted if anyone wants to read it.
Even in his own thoughts, his alter ego is tied into his "real" character. So when Lois says she only wants to be friends with Superman, he thinks she is saying "I only want to be friends with Clark."
It was almost as if, during that scene in the courtroom, he'd forgotten that Lois thought of Clark and Superman as two different men.
Yay! You guys got the theme I was trying to bring across. I am so happy!!!
It doesn’t matter how fast he goes they’re still there forever. It’s like Lois is embedded in his mind and heart.
Ooh, another theme I was trying to get across
. I am so glad these themes actually came out in the story. It is rare for me to actually bring out exactly what I was thinking in my story.
I would put it in the reactions of Clark's parents. You didn't explicitly say that the continuity matches that of the actual "Whine, Whine, Whine" episode where Clark very early on says he wants to leave Metropolis since he has no chance with Lois. In your version, it seems Clark has decided while in flight to leave Metropolis.
Good point, Roger
. I hadn't thought about it that way. I edited the story to hopefully maked it a little less ambiguous. I don't know if I succeeded or not.
Well, what I think is missing from the story is a girlfriend for Dan, but I think that about every story and I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one.
LOL, Anna -- I think you might be the only one. Poor Dan, he never wins.
(and it has the added bonus that it fits right into the themes keywords without any trouble...
That's right, LabRat
-- the one story of my 20+ stories that actually fit the themes keywords
